Thank you

Lord, you have given me joy today! I asked you to remove my hurt and anger, and not only have you done that but you've also given me joy!

You gave me 2 tickets (free) to go to an Eskimo's game tonight! You didn't have to do this, Lord, but you chose to because maybe you wanted to cheer me up? Whatever your reason, I'm grateful! Thank you, Lord, for the little things! You are a wondrous God!

Anger...

Lord, I am angry. I'm so angry right now, I have a hard time concentrating on anything. I feel cheated, undermined, undervalued, disrespected... You name it, I probably feel it right now.

Where do Silvia and Marty get off? Why do they think they have the right to not pay the entire invoice because they decided what I deserved? Who are they to make this judgement? They never would have attempted this type of thing with anyone else, a bigger company or contractor. Nope. But I'm just a kid. Who cares? I don't know what I'm doing anyways, right?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I feel like exploding. Why would they treat me like this? Is it not bad enough that I underestimated the job in the first place? Is it bad enough that I made about $5 an hour and absolutely worked my tail off for them? Is there no appreciation from them?

I could just holler. Lord, forgive me for this anger. I know you don't want me to carry this around, and I need to be able to let it go before it hurts me. They've wronged me, but what more can I do? I have expressed my feelings to them, and will probably do so again tommorrow. But I can't do anything more than that. If they want to be underhanded and cheat me like this, that's they choice. They will have to accept the responsibility for it.

Lord, I worked hard for them and I've been snuffed. I worked long hours, spending time away from my family, causing a lot of pain and aches in my body. But I did it because I promised them I would. Why wouldn't they respond with any gratitude? Why would they do this?

Lord, heap piles of coal on their heads! Bring them no rest! Cause them guilt! Cause them shame! Lord, don't let them get away with what they've done! May they continually feel shame for their actions! May you make them realize the pain they caused! May you not let up until they make things right! Lord!

Father, I give this situation to you. May you deal with it as you see fit. You are the avenger. You are also the God of forgiveness. What would you do in this situation? Roll over and take it? I don't think so. But you would let them know you felt wronged. That's all I can do, right? That's all I can say? And then I have to leave it in your hands, and worry about the beams in my own eyes. Father, forgive me for my rage. Please, take this anger from me. Take my hurt. Take my discouragement. Lord, please, take these things from me! Remove them from me so that I can live my life to the fullest! I need to let them go, or else they will drag me down. Give me freedom, I pray! May this situation be a thing of the past for me, and may you give me wisdom to deal with any situation that may arise again with them.

Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for your love. And thank you for your mercy. I know, Lord, that you love them, and I need to love them. If they confessed their sins and repented, you would forgive them! Help me to forgive them too. Thank you, Lord. You are with me, I know, and you do comfort me, I have felt it.

Thank you.

What God is like?

I read this today: "God is like us, just a little taller"

Lord, we are so limited! You've given the human race amazing capabilities to dream up inventions, produce great products, paint beautiful pictres, and yet we are still so limited! We cannot even begin to fathom who you are!

God, you are greater than this earth! It takes me 27 hours to drive from Canada to Mexico. 27 hours! Thats just over a full two days! But it took you only seconds to create the ENTIRE earth! How limited am I?

God, you are greater than the universe! IF the sky is clear, IF the stars are showing, and IF I'm in the right spot at the right time, I can maybe see a planet like Jupiter with my naked eye (although I won't see it clearly enough to be positive that it actually is Jupiter). But you control the WHOLE universe! How limited am I?

How great are you?

You are holy.
You are righteous.
You are just.
You are merciful.
You are kind.
You are jealous.
You are all powerful.
You are all knowing.
You are holy!
You are mighty!
You are holy!
You are strong!
You are holy!
You are magnificent!
You are holy!

And I am but a grain of sand... Dust in the wind... Like a flower, that withers and dies.

You are the God of all gods, the King of kings, the Lord of the universe. You created the heavens and earth, and you gave me life.

I may never fathom who you are. But what I do know is enough to convince me that I am safe and secure. You, the King of Kings, have chosen me to be your child. Make me worthy, oh Lord, make me worthy! Only in you.

Thorn? More like a double edged sword...

Lord, I'm falling fast. I'm too weak, I'm out of control. Help me.

Please. Forgive me. I am a rotten sinner, who does not deserve your mercy. But, please. Forgive me. Forgive me, and may I sin no longer!

How do I stop? How do I regain control? How do I make it without falling into the same traps? How do I walk away from all that is pulling me so strong? How do you continue to forgive?

Forgive me! Lord, I need your forgiveness! I know you promise it to us, but I do not feel like you will give it to me! I continue to fall, and I continue to abuse your mercy. How could you forgive me? How could you allow me back up after failing you so many times?

Ahhh, forgive me, Lord! Not only for my sin of lust, but also for my sin of disbelief! You are so much greater than me. You are so much greater than my sin. You are so much greater than anything I've ever seen, or ever will see on this earth. Lord, you are BIG, and I am small. I may never understand your forgiveness, but that doesn't make it any less real! You came to this earth, endured life as one of us, and then died a horrible death on the cross so that I might experience forgiveness! And I spit in your face and say "How can you forgive me?" Father, what an insult I bring to you! Thank you for your forgiveness.

Thank you for the cross. I am forgiven. I am cleansed. I am pure, because of the sacrifice you made on the cross. I am a new creation! Blessed be your name! Father, you are so much greater than the strength of my tempations! You hold the power of the universe in your hand! With a word, you could cure me of these sins! Alas, you allow me to struggle to give me strength in you. Show your power, oh Lord my God! Show your power to me! Give me strength to fight these tempations! Give me wisdom to run! Give me courage to fight! Give me the will to overcome! In your name, these things WILL BE DONE! AMEN.

The thorn in my flesh...

Every time I feel that I start getting ahead, it pulls me back down...

I am such a sinner, I am the cheif of sinners! Who can save me from this wretched body of death?

Lord, I keep falling. As soon as you help me up, I seem to run away and fall again. How many times will you keep helping me back on my feet? When will you have had enough and leave me in my misery? How long will I continue to follow those evil whisperings into sin?

Lord, like the apostle Paul described his ailment or whatever it was, I feel that I, too, have a thorn in my flesh. It's constantly causing me to fall, no matter how hard I try to get away from it. Its so strong, so powerful, sometimes I feel helpless against it! It doesn't lessen with time, in fact it seems stronger! I can avoid it for months, years, and as soon as I taste it again, I dive right back into the depths of it! Oh, what a sinner I am! What a hypocrite!

Lord, I know you hate the sin, but you love me, the sinner. Help me to see that as well. I feel so down when I fail, I feel so worthless. So weak. And yet, it is in these greatest weaknesses that you are revealed strong! Forgive, Father, for I have sinned. I am NOT WORTHY to be called your son! I am not worthy...

And yet you forgive. Once again, even now, you whisper "I'm with you", and you help me back up, out of the mire, onto solid ground. Lord, I don't deserve your love, I don't deserve your grace, I don't deserve your mercy.

But that's why it's called "mercy", isn't it? That's the whole point, isn't it? Lord, cleanse me! Purify me! Wipe away this evil that plagues my mind, my soul, my heart! Rid me of this burden! Alas, you're will be done, not mine! You have the eternal plan already laid out, you know my every future step, whether I walk or whether I fall or whether I fly! And you have allowed, and will allow, these trials to help me grow stronger.

Thank you for your forgiveness, once again, dear Lord. Thank you. Thank you. AMEN.

Dexter

We buried another pet today.

Dexter was a fun, great dog that gave us lots of laughter. He was the best dog we could've had for kids, so patient and tolerant. I know he had his times of frustration for us, but overall he was a really good dog. It's so sad to have him gone.

We're not sure what happened. Was it a car? Was it a kick from a neighbour's horse? Did somebody hit him with a bat? He just came home today with his face smashed up on the one side. We took him to the vet, but he required major surgery to try and repair the eye, plus the wiring up of his jaw and the continuing care after that. So we had to make the choice to put him down. It was so hard to do. How can you put down your own pet? They don't understand what's happening. They don't know what we're doing. He just came home because he was scared. Did we betray him by putting him down? Did we stab him in the back? The very place he came for safety turned out to be the death of him. Did we have a choice?

Lord, I want to ask, why? I know I don't need to know why, but I want to! Why does this happen? How did it happen? What are we supposed to learn from this?

It wasn't so long ago we lost Sammy to the highway...

Are you preparing us? Are you molding us? For what? For when?

The lyrics to a Casting Crown's song that speaks of what I'm feeling:

Praise You In The Storm

I was sure by now that you would have reached down and wiped our tears away,

Stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls I barely hear your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you".

And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise

The God who gives and takes away.

I'll praise you in this storm,

And I will lift my hands.

For you are who you are, no matter where I am.

Every tear I've cried,

You hold in your hand.

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn, I'll praise you in this storm.

I remember when I stumbled in the wind. You heard my cry, You raised me up again.

My strength is almost gone, how can I carry on

If I can't find you?

As the thunder rolls I barely hear your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you".
And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away.

I lift my eyes unto the hills,

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

Patience with my rambling..

God, you have incredible patience for me and my petty worries. I am blown away at the way you continually welcome me back, even though I fall, even though I doubt.

Yes, of course, you enabled me to get Marty's roof done to a satisfactory completion. I do need to finish up some little things, but you worked your "practical" miracles, and enabled us to make it home for Thanksgiving. You do care about the little things in our lives.

And as for this job offer? I keep taking it for granted that you have already provided and I stop praying about it! And then when he didn't phone, I finally prayed and that day he phones and "unofficially" offers me the job! And then he doesn't phone again for another week, until finally I stop and pray about it, and he phones again! Lord, I tend to be so thick skulled, but you are full of mercy and extend your grace to me regardless of my actions.

Thank you. Thank you for the job offer, and thank you for providing for us through practical means.

They're back!

The worries that is...

God, I can't help but be distracted all morning thinking about Marty's roof. I know its no big thing, and I know you really blessed me yesterday by helping me get so much done. However, I've managed to screw up Thanksgiving royaly for everyone.

Mom and Dad are already trying to work out their feelings about this whole "issue" that we've been going through, and now to tell them that we might only be able to come for Saturday evening and then Monday morning?

And Helen worked so hard to get Sunday off so we could all go to her church event as a family, and now to tell her we can't come? And Leny! She was so looking forward to the visit, she'd be very disappointed!

And its all my fault.

I shouldn't have taken on this roof this late in the year. I shouldn't have said "OK" that we start it on Monday (should've left it to next Monday maybe?) I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have...

Oh Lord, calm my heart! I hate disappointing people, and I hate causing others inconveniences because of my misjudgements!

But, Lord, you have helped me before and you will again. Give me strength, I am nearly out of it! Give me energy, I can't hardly stay awake! Give me wisdom, I can't hardly think straight! Give me the safety I need, and bless my work that it will go freely, unhindered by mistakes that would cost me great time. Help me to work speedily and yet safely. Give me wisdom to forsee things that may go wrong in order to avoid them.

Lord, you've never given me reason to doubt. I asked you for a miracle (getting the roof done before the weekend), and you've helped me get a really good stab at it last night. Why should I doubt that you'll continue helping me today and tomorrow? Forgive me for my doubts.

Thank you, Lord, for your mercy, strength, wisdom and energy that you will give me. Help me to get this roof done before the weekend. Thank you.

Prayer for a stranger

I just recieved an email from Camille requesting prayer for a friend of hers named Brent Loewen. Actually, he is a brother to Camille's friend, although I'm sure Camille knows him as well. Apparantly he has a brain aneurysm and will have to undergo a very risky and life threatening surgery in Regina between Thursday and Saturday (Oct 6 - 8).

God, I will admit. My first thought was, "I should pray for him." However, I went right back to work and didn't even think about him for a few minutes. Why? Because he is a stranger to me. Sure, he's a friend of my sister-in-law's, but I didn't know him, his situation didn't affect me.

How selfish! How thoughtless! Lord, this man and his family are undergoing some extremely difficult times right now, they have no idea if Brent will be alive after this weekend or not! Will the doctor's operate in time? Will they be successful? Will they make a mistake? Will there be lifelong effects?

Lord, they are faced with a grave unknown. Their lives have been put on standstill, their future's hanging in the balance. Their current lives will be forever changed. And I'm worried about a little money or a few shingles not getting done.

Forgive me.

Lord, be with this man and his family. Calm them. Give them your peace and surround them with your love. Be with the doctors and surgeons too. Give them wisdom, and control their hands and actions. Lord, your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Provide for them as they need it. Bring others alongside to help them and to comfort them. And, Lord, if there's anything you would have me to do, urge me to do it. And don't stop urging me until I do it! Lord, thank you for this small wake up call.

"Sieze the day! Sieze whatever you can, cause life slips away just like hourglass sand. Sieze the day, pray, for grace from God's hand. And nothing will stand in your way. Sieze the day"

Answers maybe?

From my email devotional this morning:
"There is no limit to God's power. Jesus said, 'What is impossible for mortals is possible for God' (Luke 18:27). How many times does God have to tell us before we believe?"

God, are you telling me to "just do it"? Its hard for me to understand and believe sometimes, and for that I am sorry. I am sorry that I can be so dense and lack the basic understanding of your greatness, power and mercy.

Finishing this roof is impossible for me to do before this weekend. With your power and wisdom, though, it will be done when you desire it to be done. It is impossible for us to pay off all the bills we have, plus the debts we owe. With your power and wisdom, though, it will be done when you desire it to be done. It is impossible for us to come up with the money we need to go home this weekend and still be able to meet all our obligations afterwards. But with your power and wisdom, IT WILL BE DONE!

Thank you for your words, Lord. Keep helping me believe! I want to believe!

Worries

Worries, worries, worries. So many things to worry about today. How will we pay the three payments we just missed? Will I get the money Christine owes me? Will we be able to afford to go home for Thanksgiving? Will I get Marty's roof done? Will we ever live free of money worries? How will we ever start saving for the future? How long can I go on working two jobs before I crash?

God, these worries cloud my heart. They are a heavy burden, and I know you didn't intend for me to carry them alone. I know that you take care of us, and you always will. I know that you've never given me any reason to doubt you, and yet I still do! How do I completely rest on you? How do I have faith? How do I release these worries and worship you instead?

God, teach me faith. Teach me reliance. Teach me rest.