The thorn in my flesh...

Every time I feel that I start getting ahead, it pulls me back down...

I am such a sinner, I am the cheif of sinners! Who can save me from this wretched body of death?

Lord, I keep falling. As soon as you help me up, I seem to run away and fall again. How many times will you keep helping me back on my feet? When will you have had enough and leave me in my misery? How long will I continue to follow those evil whisperings into sin?

Lord, like the apostle Paul described his ailment or whatever it was, I feel that I, too, have a thorn in my flesh. It's constantly causing me to fall, no matter how hard I try to get away from it. Its so strong, so powerful, sometimes I feel helpless against it! It doesn't lessen with time, in fact it seems stronger! I can avoid it for months, years, and as soon as I taste it again, I dive right back into the depths of it! Oh, what a sinner I am! What a hypocrite!

Lord, I know you hate the sin, but you love me, the sinner. Help me to see that as well. I feel so down when I fail, I feel so worthless. So weak. And yet, it is in these greatest weaknesses that you are revealed strong! Forgive, Father, for I have sinned. I am NOT WORTHY to be called your son! I am not worthy...

And yet you forgive. Once again, even now, you whisper "I'm with you", and you help me back up, out of the mire, onto solid ground. Lord, I don't deserve your love, I don't deserve your grace, I don't deserve your mercy.

But that's why it's called "mercy", isn't it? That's the whole point, isn't it? Lord, cleanse me! Purify me! Wipe away this evil that plagues my mind, my soul, my heart! Rid me of this burden! Alas, you're will be done, not mine! You have the eternal plan already laid out, you know my every future step, whether I walk or whether I fall or whether I fly! And you have allowed, and will allow, these trials to help me grow stronger.

Thank you for your forgiveness, once again, dear Lord. Thank you. Thank you. AMEN.